The dating phase is the time you get to know each other, during this time there is no commitment nor intimacy yet, for instance, a guy meets with you and declares his intentions to you, telling you how much he loves you and how he could not do anything without you, this applies to both male and female, instead of you to be carried away by the whole lovey dopey thing, take it slowly with him or her and try to know more about him, this can save you from unnecessary arguments and incompatibilities that may arise in future. ask him/her the following questions during hangout or on the phone while getting to analyze the compatibility between the two of you
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A LONG-TERM COMMITMENT THAT WILL LEAD TO MARRIAGE OR A SHORT-TERM COMMITMENT FOR FUN?: this can help to avoid heartbreaks that may result in the cause of dating, some men and women are just dating to have fun, have sex, travel together and hang to together just for the fun of it and won’t consider marriage, the answer he/her gives to you will determine the next questions and will also determine your future in the relationship if his/ her answer happens to be long term relationship that will lead to marriage, then you will happen to continue with the next questions
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CHILDHOOD?: this is very critical information, this is because your formative years determine your life as an adult, make sure he/she talks about their childhood traumas, issues they passed through while growing up, their emotions, etc, this could determine their trust issue, their state of mind, their anger, mood swing, relationship building, self-doubt, addictions, maintaining a healthy relationship, etc, you will be able to know if it’s what you can be able to live with for the rest of your life or you may need to work away if you can’t handle them.
WHAT IS YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR FAMILY?: A person’s relationship with their family can significantly affect their marriage. A supportive and loving family can provide a strong foundation for a healthy and happy marriage while a dysfunctional strained family relationship can create challenges and stress that can affect the marriage. however, a child who is brought up in a violent home that lacks love, unity, and peace may end up not giving out the love or peace that is required for a healthy relationship, A strained and toxic relationship with family can hurt marriage leading to stress and tension, conflict and arguments, resentment and frustration, strained communication and intimacy.
HOW HAPPY ARE YOU WITH THE LIFE YOU ARE LIVING CURRENTLY, IN A SCALE OF 1-10, WHAT LEVEL ARE YOU IN THE LIFE YOU ARE LIVING NOW: If he is okay with his life, it means that the stress won’t be much because he is settled for a relationship, a frustrated lifestyle or not being happy with his current life can lead to aggression, quarrels, confusions, complains, argument, emotional distancing, trust issues, hopelessness, stress, etc and this can affect relationship badly. his current situation will determine his state of mind.
HOW DID YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP END AND HOW DID YOU HANDLE IT?: Get to know how their previous relationship ended, whether it was a case of infidelity, personal growth, lies, trust issues, etc, and know how he handled the issue for future issues because there must be issues certainly in a relationship or marriage but handling it well its a school on its own. also get to know the lessons they learned from it and how they have improved to make a better one in the future because, in every failure, there must be lessons learned. still sticking in the experience may affect the present.
WHAT ARE YOUR FUNDAMENTALS AND MORAL VALUES?: Get to know their religious beliefs and principles of life. get to know how they see honesty, family, God, etc. Sharing common values can create a strong bond, understanding, and respect in a relationship, shared values can promote personal growth, decision-making, trust and reliability, support and encouragement, longevity in a relationship, conflict resolution, a sense of purpose, etc, and get to know this important information.
WHAT DID YOU UNDERSTAND BY THE CONCEPT OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?: Emotional intelligence plays a vital role in nurturing a healthy, fulfilling, and long-lasting relationship. Get to know what he/she knows about emotional intelligence, higher emotional intelligence in a relationship leads to deeper understanding and connection, improved communication and conflict resolution, increased empathy and support, greater trust and reliability, and enhanced personal growth and self-awareness while low emotional intelligence leads to, miscommunications and misunderstanding, unresolved conflict and resentment, emotional disconnection and distance, difficulty in empathy and understanding each other, stagnation and lack of personal growth.
WHAT DOES MARRIAGE MEAN TO YOU?: Marriage is a very beautiful and complex institution that can mean different things to different people, try to find out what marriage means to him/her, marriage should be a lifelong commitment between two people, a union that goes beyond a legal contract. It’s a promise to love, support, and cherish each other through life’s ups and downs. marriage is a bond built on trust, mutual respect, and understanding. It is a situation where two individuals become a team, a family, and a support system for each other in any situation. Anything other than things shouldn’t be seen as a healthy relationship.
WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?: Try to find out his/her love language and see if it’s compatible with yours or know the possible way to adapt to his/hers, for some, it’s touching, for some, it’s words of affirmation, some, it’s gifting, some, is quality time and some, its acts of service, this shouldn’t be neglected in a relationship as it is essential for a healthy relationship.
WHAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE AND WHAT ARE YOU CURRENTLY DOING TO ACHIEVE THAT?: Every mature human has a life purpose, purpose gives one direction and motivation leading to a more fulfilling life and more meaningful connections with others, it can help one to set boundaries and prioritize relationships that align with their values and goals, it helps one to navigate through hardship and conflicts that may arise in the relationship to a more suitable and healthy relationship helping the union to achieve a greater goal. Get to know his/her purpose in life, it can help for expansion and success in a relationship.
